Post by Elijah Carlson on Nov 2, 2017 17:11:15 GMT -5
Three times. That was how many times he had set foot in a wrestling ring since his injury at South Beach Brawl in April. So many people had told him that getting back into the ring would be like riding a bike. That you never really forgot how to do it no matter how long you went without actually climbing on the bike and riding it. That it would all be natural and come flooding back to him, and he’d be back in top form right away. Yet, as he sat in the locker room with a towel draped over his shoulders, it seemed that was anything from true. In the Golden Opportunity Rumble he hadn’t even really been focused on winning. It was just an opportunity to get back in the ring, to perform and to see if his body could hold up to the stress and the physicality of the wrestling business any longer. He’d managed to last a respectable fifteen minutes and have a hand in two eliminations. When that night had come to an end, and Henrik had taken full advantage of being the final entrance into the rumble, Eli had gone home feeling positive about things.
Subversion was going to be his new home. Even though his former co-workers were uncertain as to why he wouldn’t want to come back to 4CW and try to pick up where he had left off, he was comfortable not working for the company that had legitimately molded him into the man currently was. And while Subversion would present new challenges for him, after the Rumble, he was going to have to wait to truly move into that new home. And that was when the phones had started ringing. Adalynn Duncan had fallen off the face of the earth and a small, independent company that operated in the area he and his family lived had need of a fill-in for a match. If it hadn’t been for Phoenix, he never would have even considered it. But she was a friend, as close a friend as he had to tell the truth. And so he had taken the match on.
It had gone smoothly enough. But a second match, a planned match and not one he had taken on at the last minute, had had some hiccups. Someone like Desmond Masters, who wasn’t exactly the peak of wrestling talent, should have been easily dominated by a man with Eli’s credentials. And while it had eventually gotten to that point, things had started off in the other man’s favor. A hurricanrana, a springboard drop kick. Those were all things that Eli should have scouted. In fact, he had scouted them. And yet he had been caught by them because of hesitation.
He heard the door open just as his left hand was moving up to massage his right shoulder. It wasn’t hurting him, but in the back of his mind it felt like he constantly needed to be checking to make sure that everything was right where it belonged. After SBB he had remembered reaching up to touch his shoulder and the way it felt.
From behind him he felt familiar hands slide down his shoulders and familiar lips meet his cheek as long, dark hair dangled down along his right arm. Sighing, Eli tried to chase the doubts from his mind. Genie needed better than someone who was doubting themselves. She needed confidence. After all she had walked into the Warzone and nearly walked out with a contract, but also she had walked out having done exactly what she had said she would do. She hadn’t left empty handed. The Extreme Championship wasn’t her end goal, not by any means. But it was justification that she could, and would, do what it took to win in the biggest and brightest moments of 4CW’s year.
Turning his head, he kissed her lips gently and smiled before turning away a bit uneasily, his left hand still gently massaging his shoulder subconsciously.
“Did I look alright out there tonight?”
Gen watched as Eli rubbed his shoulder. She got an uneasy feeling. Maybe he had come back to soon. Maybe he was sore, or maybe he was just doing it as instinct since she had watched him do it for months at their home. Eli was very critical and hard on himself, inside and outside the ring. So was Gen though about herself, so she understood it and tried to stop her frustrations when it came down to it, because she knew at times she could be equally frustrating.
“You looked fine.”
“Just fine?”
She sighed and removed her hands from him and walked around to the front of her husband, rolling her eyes as she did so. She kneeled down in front of him with a smile spreading across her red lips.
“You looked great out there. There were moments that could have gone better sure, but don’t be overly critical of yourself babe. You’ve already exceeded everyone’s expectations just by stepping in the ring again.”
She stood up and moved his hands, sliding herself onto his lap. She placed her hand on his shoulder and rubbed it, frowning a bit.
“That being said… are you alright? If your shoulder is hurting maybe we should get it looked at. I don’t want you to push yourself too hard and then have to be put on the shelf again. I love you being back in the ring but I love you being healthy more.”
Maybe she didn’t realize how much of a loaded question it was that she had asked him. Was he alright? Physically, yes. His shoulder wasn’t hurting. It hadn’t bothered him in a match yet. But mentally. Emotionally. There Eli wasn’t as certain that he was okay. What he found was that he envied people like Bryan Williams who could suffer scary, career threatening concussions and come back without any thought to what the repercussions might be if it happened again.
“Yeah… yeah I’m alright. I guess. I just thought it would be easier and smoother than this, I guess. Or that it would at least be like last year when I first broke into the business.”
These were the moments that he was truly thankful for, though. Just having her there. It didn’t make the anxiety go away but it did remind him that there were things he didn’t have to face alone.
“It’s not a big deal in matches against people like Desmond Masters, or young kids just breaking into the business like that Raven girl two weeks ago. But Phe came to me with that whole Face of SAP bit, and I couldn’t tell her no. And we both know that being the face of something means you’re going to be fighting against more talented people than Raven Monetta and Desmond Masters. Nothing against either of them, but they’re not exactly the cream that has risen to the top. Not yet anyway.”
“And you’ll be fine against whoever they throw at you next, babe.”
Of course. That was the simple answer. It was what she was supposed to say. But the look in his eyes would easily let her know that he wasn’t sure if he believed that or not. When he had walked into the Warzone in 2016, he had believed with every ounce of himself that he could, and would, win. He had believed that he would beat Jair Hopkins for the 4CW Championship at Winter Wasteland, that he would defend it against Scott Stevens at All or Nothing.
“Will I? In less than two weeks I have to fly, oddly enough, down to Mexico to face Alexa Corra. Do you know anything about her? Because admittedly I didn’t know shit about her. I don’t know anything about anyone in HKW, or here in SAP. Or anywhere that isn’t 4CW. I’ve spent so much of my time focused on that one company that I don’t know anything about what’s going on in the business around us. But when I looked, and I researched who I’m slated to face to kick of Subversion against in this showcase match. She isn’t Desmond Masters. She isn’t Raven Monetta. She’s a former HKW Champion. Not one of those little stepping stone belts. But she was at the top of the mountain in HKW. She’s no joke.”
His own hand reached up and fell on top of hers as she rubbed his shoulder gently.
“What if I just can’t go at that level anymore? Bronx wrote me a letter apologizing to me for losing to Manny, you know? What the hell will I have to do if I can’t beat Alexa? Beg him for forgiveness in front of the whole world? What if I let Phe down, stepping in to take over where Gabe Laroux made a complete shit show out of the opportunity he was given? What happens if I drop the ball and the phone calls that Frankie gets from companies asking for my availability dry up and go silent? You know what five months out of the wrestling ring taught me? It’s that I’m not doing this for myself anymore. So what happens when I let you, and Sarah, down?”
There it was. Eli putting all the pressure on himself and not wanting to disappoint anyone. Especially her. Truthfully. Eli could quit wrestling permanently right now and Gen wouldn’t care. He could move on to different projects or a different career and Gen wouldn’t see it as him letting her or anyone else down.
“You know what I learned in your absence, and then mine? It’s that no matter what there is always gonna be someone else that steps up and takes the opportunity that you felt you should have had. There is always gonna be someone else out there who steps up when you step back.”
She leaned in and kissed him, meaning to comfort him from what was going on in his head.
“There will always be people who can say they are former great champions. Alexa might be a great former Champion it doesn’t make her unbeatable. Just look at 4CW. Nobody is unbeatable. Not even the people who think they are the greatest. Which I think you’re the greatest when it comes down to it. You’re better than her. It doesn’t matter to me if she finds a way to beat you. Isn’t gonna make me think less of you. Maybe when I first met you it might have but, now you’re my husband and I’m spending the rest of my life with you and learning that this business is a small little piece that’s so insignificant to what we have? I’m not gonna let it get in the way of us and Sarah? She would rather text Carrick and have her head buried in a book then worry about us getting beat up and beating people up for a living.”
She grinned at him. She was trying to help in her own way. She understood what he was going through. She made a big claim to 4CW in her promo for the Warzone. Saying she was doing it for her family. It gave her better purpose and motivation than just “wanting it more” than someone else. She would have been devastated had she walked out empty handed after saying those things and bringing her adopted Daughter into it. As for their friend Phe? She would find it hard to imagine her getting upset with Eli over his last minute fill in.
“As for Phe? You stepped up and we’ve all supported each other through difficult times. At this point? Friendship and loyalty mean so much more than a win and loss record, but so far you are undefeated in SAP and proving you are more than ready to be back in a wrestling ring. So stop being in your head and so hard on yourself. I get it but, the more pressure you put on yourself and the more you stay in your head about it is more harmful than getting hit by a drop kick. When you let shit get in your head that’s when you don’t pay attention enough, and that’s when you lose.”
Quietly he sat there, wondering if what she said was the truth. By the time his reign as 4CW Champion had come to its conclusion he had found himself to be a different person than when he had beaten Jair for the title. For five months he had held that belt, and done the best with it that he could. Persephone Marquis had once said to him that it wasn’t the belt that made the person important, but the person who made the belt important. She had meant it as an insult, insinuating that his run as champion had been meaningless because added nothing to it. He knew that to be wrong. The greatest influx of talent had come during his reign as champion. And while that talent had thrived and really pressed forward once Bronx was the focal point of 4CW, he was certain that he was the one who had elevated the company to its new heights.
The rest of the championship picture had been in flux while he was champion. The Pride title, the extreme title and even the Fate title had switched hands all during his time at the top of one of the greatest wrestling companies in the world. Those facts were a comfort to him, and he was certain he had cemented enough of a legacy to be spoken of in wrestling circles as one of the best that had ever entered a 4CW ring. He wouldn’t be so foolish any more as to claim that he was the best who had ever done it. Genie believing that of him helped. But this was more about preparing himself for what was to come.
“It’s easy to act rashly when you’re on your own. Or when a relationship is just beginning. Or even when you’re unsure if it’s going to survive. I’m always in my head now, Gen. Always. I have to be. Shit I do affects you. It affects Sarah. You know how quickly one win, or one loss, can change things.”
One loss had started his downward spiral that concluded at South Beach Brawl. It had begun with Dakota Smith, although he hadn’t known it at the time. That spiral was kicked up a notch when he lost to Marquis, the night that his shoulder was first injured. It hadn’t been anything severe at that point, though it had been bad enough for the doctors to tell him to take it easy for a month or two. That notion had made him laugh. He’d wrestled with broken ribs for months. Opponents had focused on them and he’d still, for the most part, steamrolled through them.
And then Bronx had won the South Beach Brawl Cup. He came into the pay per view with all the momentum in the world and Eli had given him the best fight he could manage. Never would he make an excuse publicly, or do anything to take away from Bronx and his accomplishments. The man had defended the 4CW Title in the main event of Ante Up, a fatal four way iron man match. His victories spoke for themselves. But Eli hadn’t even known that he was broken when he had walked into South Beach Brawl, and it only got worse, culminating in the sort of death defying leap that he had taken to put matches away in the past. It hadn’t paid off. It had put him on the shelf for months and forced him to reevaluate the priorities in his life.
Then Sarah came along. Then Genie returned at Ante Up. Then the mocking comments from people who were supposed to be his friends, people who he had given advice to like Jett Wilder. Then he made the decision that he was done with 4CW and the toxicity of the entire company. Maybe he was fragile mentally. Or maybe he just didn’t have it in him to spend his entire life trying to keep people from doing everything they could to destroy the life he had built for himself with his wife and their adopted daughter.
“I don’t want to go back to where I was the day after surgery. Or the week after surgery. When you were gone and I was trying to pull myself out of the black hole I was in. That’s what I think about the most, when I wonder if I can still do it. I was supposed to be out six to eight months and I came back early. I feel great. And yet it’s still there. Like a fucking black cloud waiting to suck me back in. Being back in the ring, I feel more like myself than I have in a while. Probably since All or Nothing. But I can’t help but remember how quickly that was all ripped away. And so here I sit….”
He shrugged gently, averting his eyes from her.
“Plotting every step. Wondering what happens if I miss one of them. Wondering if I can even do half the shit I used to do. Wondering if I’m even willing to try and do a lot of it. I don’t know how to balance it, Gen. I’m trying, though. I’m trying.”
She stood up from his lap and placed her hands on her hips looking down at him. She didn’t like when he got like this.
“Well first off. I don’t want you doing half the things you did that got you injured. Plenty of people don’t try to kill themselves and still cement great legacies. Wrestling isn’t the end all be all of this life. Just focus on the next challenge and focus on rising to those occasions. It’s nice trying to figure out everything and being one step ahead but sometimes you can’t always predict or prepare for what’s going to happen. This shit makes you grumpy and then I get grumpy and I really would prefer not to fight.”
Well wasn’t that the truth. When he was in a sour mood she tended to end up in the same sort of mood, which lead to their fights and the world had seen enough of those to know they weren’t pleasant things to behold.
“I know. You’re right. I just expect more out of myself than what I showed tonight. Things get harder from here and if I wrestle like I did tonight it’s not going to go well. But I can’t make any promises about what I will or won’t do. I don’t want to make a promise I might break and if I see an opportunity to win a big match by jumping off things we both know I’m going to do it.”
Eli knew she wouldn’t like that. It came from a good place but part of what had made him so difficult to deal with had been the fact that he was a bit reckless at times in the ring, willing to sacrifice his body for a victory. Trying to push a discussion, that would probably end up in a fight to some degree, back, He begged off of the conversation.
“Look. I’m tired and I need a shower. Let me do that and then can we talk about anything but wrestling?”
She nodded her head and ran her fingers through his hair in a comforting manner. Truthfully, she was thankful for the subject change. She couldn’t fight with him any longer about his recklessness in the ring.
“Okay. We should go grab something to eat and then I wanted to tell you about an idea I have to do something nice for Sarah… but go get your shower first. I’d come with you but then we wouldn’t leave and every place would be closed and we’d be stuck with fast food.”
A smile crossed his face, knowing that one she said was true.
“Alright. I’ll be quick. Then food. And the other later. And Gen…”
He took her hand in his.
“I love you.”
She didn’t need to say it back. He knew it was true even as he pulled her to him, kissed her on the lips and grabbed her ass firmly before pulling away, scampering off toward the shower before she could say anything else.
Subversion was going to be his new home. Even though his former co-workers were uncertain as to why he wouldn’t want to come back to 4CW and try to pick up where he had left off, he was comfortable not working for the company that had legitimately molded him into the man currently was. And while Subversion would present new challenges for him, after the Rumble, he was going to have to wait to truly move into that new home. And that was when the phones had started ringing. Adalynn Duncan had fallen off the face of the earth and a small, independent company that operated in the area he and his family lived had need of a fill-in for a match. If it hadn’t been for Phoenix, he never would have even considered it. But she was a friend, as close a friend as he had to tell the truth. And so he had taken the match on.
It had gone smoothly enough. But a second match, a planned match and not one he had taken on at the last minute, had had some hiccups. Someone like Desmond Masters, who wasn’t exactly the peak of wrestling talent, should have been easily dominated by a man with Eli’s credentials. And while it had eventually gotten to that point, things had started off in the other man’s favor. A hurricanrana, a springboard drop kick. Those were all things that Eli should have scouted. In fact, he had scouted them. And yet he had been caught by them because of hesitation.
He heard the door open just as his left hand was moving up to massage his right shoulder. It wasn’t hurting him, but in the back of his mind it felt like he constantly needed to be checking to make sure that everything was right where it belonged. After SBB he had remembered reaching up to touch his shoulder and the way it felt.
From behind him he felt familiar hands slide down his shoulders and familiar lips meet his cheek as long, dark hair dangled down along his right arm. Sighing, Eli tried to chase the doubts from his mind. Genie needed better than someone who was doubting themselves. She needed confidence. After all she had walked into the Warzone and nearly walked out with a contract, but also she had walked out having done exactly what she had said she would do. She hadn’t left empty handed. The Extreme Championship wasn’t her end goal, not by any means. But it was justification that she could, and would, do what it took to win in the biggest and brightest moments of 4CW’s year.
Turning his head, he kissed her lips gently and smiled before turning away a bit uneasily, his left hand still gently massaging his shoulder subconsciously.
“Did I look alright out there tonight?”
Gen watched as Eli rubbed his shoulder. She got an uneasy feeling. Maybe he had come back to soon. Maybe he was sore, or maybe he was just doing it as instinct since she had watched him do it for months at their home. Eli was very critical and hard on himself, inside and outside the ring. So was Gen though about herself, so she understood it and tried to stop her frustrations when it came down to it, because she knew at times she could be equally frustrating.
“You looked fine.”
“Just fine?”
She sighed and removed her hands from him and walked around to the front of her husband, rolling her eyes as she did so. She kneeled down in front of him with a smile spreading across her red lips.
“You looked great out there. There were moments that could have gone better sure, but don’t be overly critical of yourself babe. You’ve already exceeded everyone’s expectations just by stepping in the ring again.”
She stood up and moved his hands, sliding herself onto his lap. She placed her hand on his shoulder and rubbed it, frowning a bit.
“That being said… are you alright? If your shoulder is hurting maybe we should get it looked at. I don’t want you to push yourself too hard and then have to be put on the shelf again. I love you being back in the ring but I love you being healthy more.”
Maybe she didn’t realize how much of a loaded question it was that she had asked him. Was he alright? Physically, yes. His shoulder wasn’t hurting. It hadn’t bothered him in a match yet. But mentally. Emotionally. There Eli wasn’t as certain that he was okay. What he found was that he envied people like Bryan Williams who could suffer scary, career threatening concussions and come back without any thought to what the repercussions might be if it happened again.
“Yeah… yeah I’m alright. I guess. I just thought it would be easier and smoother than this, I guess. Or that it would at least be like last year when I first broke into the business.”
These were the moments that he was truly thankful for, though. Just having her there. It didn’t make the anxiety go away but it did remind him that there were things he didn’t have to face alone.
“It’s not a big deal in matches against people like Desmond Masters, or young kids just breaking into the business like that Raven girl two weeks ago. But Phe came to me with that whole Face of SAP bit, and I couldn’t tell her no. And we both know that being the face of something means you’re going to be fighting against more talented people than Raven Monetta and Desmond Masters. Nothing against either of them, but they’re not exactly the cream that has risen to the top. Not yet anyway.”
“And you’ll be fine against whoever they throw at you next, babe.”
Of course. That was the simple answer. It was what she was supposed to say. But the look in his eyes would easily let her know that he wasn’t sure if he believed that or not. When he had walked into the Warzone in 2016, he had believed with every ounce of himself that he could, and would, win. He had believed that he would beat Jair Hopkins for the 4CW Championship at Winter Wasteland, that he would defend it against Scott Stevens at All or Nothing.
“Will I? In less than two weeks I have to fly, oddly enough, down to Mexico to face Alexa Corra. Do you know anything about her? Because admittedly I didn’t know shit about her. I don’t know anything about anyone in HKW, or here in SAP. Or anywhere that isn’t 4CW. I’ve spent so much of my time focused on that one company that I don’t know anything about what’s going on in the business around us. But when I looked, and I researched who I’m slated to face to kick of Subversion against in this showcase match. She isn’t Desmond Masters. She isn’t Raven Monetta. She’s a former HKW Champion. Not one of those little stepping stone belts. But she was at the top of the mountain in HKW. She’s no joke.”
His own hand reached up and fell on top of hers as she rubbed his shoulder gently.
“What if I just can’t go at that level anymore? Bronx wrote me a letter apologizing to me for losing to Manny, you know? What the hell will I have to do if I can’t beat Alexa? Beg him for forgiveness in front of the whole world? What if I let Phe down, stepping in to take over where Gabe Laroux made a complete shit show out of the opportunity he was given? What happens if I drop the ball and the phone calls that Frankie gets from companies asking for my availability dry up and go silent? You know what five months out of the wrestling ring taught me? It’s that I’m not doing this for myself anymore. So what happens when I let you, and Sarah, down?”
There it was. Eli putting all the pressure on himself and not wanting to disappoint anyone. Especially her. Truthfully. Eli could quit wrestling permanently right now and Gen wouldn’t care. He could move on to different projects or a different career and Gen wouldn’t see it as him letting her or anyone else down.
“You know what I learned in your absence, and then mine? It’s that no matter what there is always gonna be someone else that steps up and takes the opportunity that you felt you should have had. There is always gonna be someone else out there who steps up when you step back.”
She leaned in and kissed him, meaning to comfort him from what was going on in his head.
“There will always be people who can say they are former great champions. Alexa might be a great former Champion it doesn’t make her unbeatable. Just look at 4CW. Nobody is unbeatable. Not even the people who think they are the greatest. Which I think you’re the greatest when it comes down to it. You’re better than her. It doesn’t matter to me if she finds a way to beat you. Isn’t gonna make me think less of you. Maybe when I first met you it might have but, now you’re my husband and I’m spending the rest of my life with you and learning that this business is a small little piece that’s so insignificant to what we have? I’m not gonna let it get in the way of us and Sarah? She would rather text Carrick and have her head buried in a book then worry about us getting beat up and beating people up for a living.”
She grinned at him. She was trying to help in her own way. She understood what he was going through. She made a big claim to 4CW in her promo for the Warzone. Saying she was doing it for her family. It gave her better purpose and motivation than just “wanting it more” than someone else. She would have been devastated had she walked out empty handed after saying those things and bringing her adopted Daughter into it. As for their friend Phe? She would find it hard to imagine her getting upset with Eli over his last minute fill in.
“As for Phe? You stepped up and we’ve all supported each other through difficult times. At this point? Friendship and loyalty mean so much more than a win and loss record, but so far you are undefeated in SAP and proving you are more than ready to be back in a wrestling ring. So stop being in your head and so hard on yourself. I get it but, the more pressure you put on yourself and the more you stay in your head about it is more harmful than getting hit by a drop kick. When you let shit get in your head that’s when you don’t pay attention enough, and that’s when you lose.”
Quietly he sat there, wondering if what she said was the truth. By the time his reign as 4CW Champion had come to its conclusion he had found himself to be a different person than when he had beaten Jair for the title. For five months he had held that belt, and done the best with it that he could. Persephone Marquis had once said to him that it wasn’t the belt that made the person important, but the person who made the belt important. She had meant it as an insult, insinuating that his run as champion had been meaningless because added nothing to it. He knew that to be wrong. The greatest influx of talent had come during his reign as champion. And while that talent had thrived and really pressed forward once Bronx was the focal point of 4CW, he was certain that he was the one who had elevated the company to its new heights.
The rest of the championship picture had been in flux while he was champion. The Pride title, the extreme title and even the Fate title had switched hands all during his time at the top of one of the greatest wrestling companies in the world. Those facts were a comfort to him, and he was certain he had cemented enough of a legacy to be spoken of in wrestling circles as one of the best that had ever entered a 4CW ring. He wouldn’t be so foolish any more as to claim that he was the best who had ever done it. Genie believing that of him helped. But this was more about preparing himself for what was to come.
“It’s easy to act rashly when you’re on your own. Or when a relationship is just beginning. Or even when you’re unsure if it’s going to survive. I’m always in my head now, Gen. Always. I have to be. Shit I do affects you. It affects Sarah. You know how quickly one win, or one loss, can change things.”
One loss had started his downward spiral that concluded at South Beach Brawl. It had begun with Dakota Smith, although he hadn’t known it at the time. That spiral was kicked up a notch when he lost to Marquis, the night that his shoulder was first injured. It hadn’t been anything severe at that point, though it had been bad enough for the doctors to tell him to take it easy for a month or two. That notion had made him laugh. He’d wrestled with broken ribs for months. Opponents had focused on them and he’d still, for the most part, steamrolled through them.
And then Bronx had won the South Beach Brawl Cup. He came into the pay per view with all the momentum in the world and Eli had given him the best fight he could manage. Never would he make an excuse publicly, or do anything to take away from Bronx and his accomplishments. The man had defended the 4CW Title in the main event of Ante Up, a fatal four way iron man match. His victories spoke for themselves. But Eli hadn’t even known that he was broken when he had walked into South Beach Brawl, and it only got worse, culminating in the sort of death defying leap that he had taken to put matches away in the past. It hadn’t paid off. It had put him on the shelf for months and forced him to reevaluate the priorities in his life.
Then Sarah came along. Then Genie returned at Ante Up. Then the mocking comments from people who were supposed to be his friends, people who he had given advice to like Jett Wilder. Then he made the decision that he was done with 4CW and the toxicity of the entire company. Maybe he was fragile mentally. Or maybe he just didn’t have it in him to spend his entire life trying to keep people from doing everything they could to destroy the life he had built for himself with his wife and their adopted daughter.
“I don’t want to go back to where I was the day after surgery. Or the week after surgery. When you were gone and I was trying to pull myself out of the black hole I was in. That’s what I think about the most, when I wonder if I can still do it. I was supposed to be out six to eight months and I came back early. I feel great. And yet it’s still there. Like a fucking black cloud waiting to suck me back in. Being back in the ring, I feel more like myself than I have in a while. Probably since All or Nothing. But I can’t help but remember how quickly that was all ripped away. And so here I sit….”
He shrugged gently, averting his eyes from her.
“Plotting every step. Wondering what happens if I miss one of them. Wondering if I can even do half the shit I used to do. Wondering if I’m even willing to try and do a lot of it. I don’t know how to balance it, Gen. I’m trying, though. I’m trying.”
She stood up from his lap and placed her hands on her hips looking down at him. She didn’t like when he got like this.
“Well first off. I don’t want you doing half the things you did that got you injured. Plenty of people don’t try to kill themselves and still cement great legacies. Wrestling isn’t the end all be all of this life. Just focus on the next challenge and focus on rising to those occasions. It’s nice trying to figure out everything and being one step ahead but sometimes you can’t always predict or prepare for what’s going to happen. This shit makes you grumpy and then I get grumpy and I really would prefer not to fight.”
Well wasn’t that the truth. When he was in a sour mood she tended to end up in the same sort of mood, which lead to their fights and the world had seen enough of those to know they weren’t pleasant things to behold.
“I know. You’re right. I just expect more out of myself than what I showed tonight. Things get harder from here and if I wrestle like I did tonight it’s not going to go well. But I can’t make any promises about what I will or won’t do. I don’t want to make a promise I might break and if I see an opportunity to win a big match by jumping off things we both know I’m going to do it.”
Eli knew she wouldn’t like that. It came from a good place but part of what had made him so difficult to deal with had been the fact that he was a bit reckless at times in the ring, willing to sacrifice his body for a victory. Trying to push a discussion, that would probably end up in a fight to some degree, back, He begged off of the conversation.
“Look. I’m tired and I need a shower. Let me do that and then can we talk about anything but wrestling?”
She nodded her head and ran her fingers through his hair in a comforting manner. Truthfully, she was thankful for the subject change. She couldn’t fight with him any longer about his recklessness in the ring.
“Okay. We should go grab something to eat and then I wanted to tell you about an idea I have to do something nice for Sarah… but go get your shower first. I’d come with you but then we wouldn’t leave and every place would be closed and we’d be stuck with fast food.”
A smile crossed his face, knowing that one she said was true.
“Alright. I’ll be quick. Then food. And the other later. And Gen…”
He took her hand in his.
“I love you.”
She didn’t need to say it back. He knew it was true even as he pulled her to him, kissed her on the lips and grabbed her ass firmly before pulling away, scampering off toward the shower before she could say anything else.